Throughout March and some of April, yours truly embarked on a rock and roll adventure as the new bass player of Brooklyn metal band, The Giraffes. The band toured in support of their sublime new album Prime Motivator, which will probably be released on some sort of label in the not-too-distant future. This is the second of a four-part recap of the tour, leading up to our Welcome Home show at the Mercury Lounge, Saturday, April 12th. Hint, hint.

Smothered in Ranch (and Blood)

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Friday, March 14th - The "Pure Volume Ranch" at SXSW, Austin, TX

You, no doubt, had your fill of South By Southwest stories a month ago, so I'll try to keep this brief. Running around drunk for three straight days, seeing band after band after band in the hot Texas sun made us very antsy to play some rock of our own. Especially considering after our set, that Friday night at 11pm, we’d have to hit the road and drive straight to Kansas City for a Saturday show. 11 hours through the barren north Texas night, kiddies.

So, when we finally got to the club - which had a day to stew, unventilated, in the 95-degree Texas heat - we belched up quite a raucous set. The light show was almost epilepsy inducing, teeth were chipped, lips were split, asses were landed upon, drinks were sprayed, rockers were rocked, mic stands were broken, Guitar Center promotional gear was beer-soaked, and we sped off into the night before being accountable for any of it. At one point, Damien was picked up and held aloft during a solo spot, only to violently land back on the stage at the point when the song was supposed to kick back in. After the set, Damien examined his leg, only to find, to go with his swollen lip, a foot long scar on his right shin. He pulled off a huge chunk of dead skin like a lucky vulture and saved it in a scrap book. By tour's end, this would (d)evolved into a golf-ball sized abscess he just got drained yesterday. Ew. Photos from this gig, that you've probably already seen, are here.

A video of the live performance of "Smoke Machine" (and 9 other songs), courtesy of our pal Andy Hendrix, here. Recommended for you fans of incredibly loud bass playing.

Plus, Beat the Devil's Mishka Shubaly was in effect, and, without the burden of having to play during the festival, was in the mood to celebrate. Read Mishka’s article in the NYPress about his adventures here (a hint: he woke up at one point in a construction site).

See B.A. Miale's condensed series of interview clips with the Giraffes here.

I got to see X, and Motorhead, and both those shows ruled. We also saw Rambo while in town. Damien had seen it before, and loudly shouted things like "BEEEEEEEEEF" and "MONEYS GOT JUICED!" during pivotal points throughout the whole film.

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Saturday, March 15th - The Riot Room, Kansas City, MO

This night was super fun, our best set of the tour at this point. Local H were terrific. I briefly got in trouble for drinking their drummer’s Pelligrino, but this got ironed out. Rock and roll. Kansas City-ers are beyond friendly, though occasionally ask weird questions. Two drunk dudes asked if i was part of "Info Wars", which i guess is something that New Yorkers do. It has something to do with 9-11 and the conspiracy to blow up WTC 7, according to them. I said "either i have no idea what you’re talking about, or i *am* part of it, and there’s no way i’d tell you."

See very excellent photos from this gig here, courtesy of new pal Todd Zimmer.

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Monday, March 17th - Larimer Lounge, Denver, CO

Someone proposed to his girlfriend during the show. I guess he met the bride-to-be during the last Giraffes show in Denver, a show where the groom-to-be is best known for smearing a can of sardines in Damien’s hair during the set.

Also, at one point, someone left a single shoe on the merch table. We all wrote vulgar things on it, Damien drew a penis and Aaron wrote "Gene Hackman: Actor, Landlord." About 20 minutes later, a drunk guy with a prosthetic limb limps up, obliviously reattaches his shoe, and stumbles off.

The fuzz stopped by too, and that's always nice. Check out Westword's photos here.

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By the way, you haven’t lived until you have been driving into the red, cloudless sunset over the desolate, almost-Martian landscape that is the middle of Utah, cranking Wish You Were Here. We rounded a dark, anonymous corner hours later, at night, and there, abruptly before us stood the entire city of Las Vegas, shining like a million crazy diamonds.

Desert photo time!

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Wednesday, March 19th - The Bunkhouse Saloon, Las Vegas, NV

It’s true, Las Vegas is not a rock town, at least not a live rock town. After our show, at a suitably crummy club downtown, we found out what all the "rockers" in Vegas do: hang out in bars that cost as much as NYC bars. The promoter eventually got us into a strip club, gratis, at around 3.30 am, but, as sad as it is to say, i was almost too tired for boobs. I managed to hang in for about 45 minutes, somehow never being compelled to order a drink. But, after getting an unintentionally violent head-butt when a fried-looking dancer tried to shove my face in what little cleavage she had, i finally called it a night. I briefly thought she broke my nose. We'd later refer to this girl as "Clumsy Tits."

I didn't gamble the whole time, not even a dime.

Aaron enjoys a bloody Mary - and hey,
who doesn't? - in downtown Las Vegas.

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Thursday, March 20th - Beauty Bar, San Diego, CA

This ended up being one of the best nights of the tour. Great sound, good performance, repeated slugs from the family-sized bottle of Jack that magically materialized right before the set. Even the new song went over, and that’s always a good sign. The Vacation were great too, really good classic rock-pop songs.

Hey, i don't have a story for everything, you know.

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Monday, March 24th - The Knitting Factory, Los Angeles, CA

This show was quite excellent, especially when you consider these factors.

* We were originally promised a Saturday night slot, only to be railroaded into a Monday
* We were stuck going on last
* The remainder of the bill was really, really bad
* The Knitting Factory is basically in a mall
* The sound reeked
* I had to stay sober, because i had to drive the van
* The club's direct box (used for running the bass through the PA system) didn't work, so the bass was essentially inaudible

I can't really gripe about the mall, actually, because i was able to pick up a new pair of Converse right before the show. The old ones had gotten unbearably wretched, even by my standards. Aaron presented me with a fresh pair of odor eaters (tm) - on stage - right after the show. Sweeeeeeeeet.

Still, quite a scene, and a true success. Pro looks and positive attitudes all around too. The crowd was thick with L.A. rockers (or what passes for "rocking" in L.A. anyway), trashy Hollywood girls, a few gay dudes who were vibing Drew, one of Aaron’s old professors, and even a total of one person from any of the three previous bands, a longhair in a pot leaf t-shirt who enjoyed our show much much much more than we enjoyed his. We got our first beer baths in a while, and that felt nice.

More photos from Todd Zimmer here. Man, that cat gets around.

An interview with Brian Romero of Los Anjealous - who caught us at our absolute testiest - here. Plus, he too took some excellent snaps of the show.

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Next stop: the dreaded ... Midwest ...