Although my iPod usually provides sufficient MCE (morning commute entertainment), I've developed an addiction to eavesdropping. Here's a semi-verbatim conversation I heard earlier this morning on the 6 train between two of NYC's finest messengers.

Guy 1: I'm telling you man, you're fat!

Guy 2: I know, I know

1: You need a diet. You eat 2 dinners, and that's probably not gonna change. So let's start with lunch. How many chickens you eat for lunch?

2: 2 Chickens

1: Larry! It's me, your friend. Don't lie to me.

2: 4 Chickens

1: Larry! That's too many chickens! You shouldn't be eating that many chickens.

2: I know, I know

1: Damn Larry. How many apple pies you eat?

2: 1 slice

1: Larry! It's me, Larry!! Don't lie to me.

2: 3 slices. 4 on the weekends.

1: Damn Larry! That's too many apple pies!

2: I know, I know.

1: What about exercise. Let's talk exercise. You go to the gym at all?

2: No.

1: You get any exercise?

2: Well, I live in a walk up.

1: That's good for losing weight. What floor you on?

2: Ground floor.

1: Larry! That's not going to help!

2: Oh.

The subway doors opened on 14th st, and the two men exited. If anyone knows these two guys, buy them an apple pie for me.