The Giraffes vs. Joe Linello
Editors Note: Jens Carstensen is a LWMB contributor and the new bassist for Lower East Side rock band The Giraffes.
Not long ago, a Long Island singer named Joseph Linello wrote The Giraffes with an interesting opportunity. In his words:
Yo, you guys are pretty good!
I've been looking for bands that
should open for me. I have major label interest, and so I'll probably
start booking some really huge shows. Not sure if you guys know what
it's like to have major label interest, but it's kind of cool, because
you know you're going to be huge, but you just have to sort of wait.
So
anyway, I just wanted to say that maybe you guys would want to open for
me in New York. Also, I'm looking for a backing band. Maybe one of you
guys would want to join a band that would back me. Major label interest
means MAJOR MONEY!
Check out my tunes. I had to play the guitar
myself on the demos. I'd rather not play guitar, even though I've been
playing for 15 years and one the 1st place award in Guitar Camp when I
was 13, 14, and 19 years old. I'd rather concentrate on just the
singing part.
Well, let me know if you want to open for me or
if anyone in the band wants to maybe join mine. I've been trying to get
in touch with the bass player from Creed because he'd be PERFECT for my
band. Then again, a lot of people say I sound like Scott Stapp, so no
surpise there.
OK, later,
Joseph
* * * * * *
Before i could reply in my usual droll, diplomatic fashion, our guitarist Damien took it upon himself, in with his usual "NSFW" enthusiasm. Said D:
Jesus fucking H Christ are fucking for real? Man, look here. I'm gonna do you a favor and tell ya, as a fellow human who breathes the same air-
YOU FUCKIN' SUCK
YOU SOUND LIKED AN ARMY OF RETARDED HYENA'S [sic] BEING GANG RAPED WITH BARBED WIRE, ON LUDES
Someone has to tell you, straight.
I don't care how much Long Island 16 year old pussy you get, your the WORST.
Stick to Modeling banana hammocks or selling watches in AIMS catalogs
Music is not your thing...
But
you know what, ALLAH be praised, you'll probably get a record contract,
cause theirs plenty of pathetic nitwits out in this world that'll
"Totally identify with your PAIN" and want you to blow loads on to their
food before they eat it.
So good luck with that,
go die,
Damien
PS-
If you pay me a 1,000 dollars a show I'll be glad to play your horrible
music. Dignity always has a price, as you must already know...
* * * * * *
Obviously, this did not go unnoticed by Joey L. Here was his reply:
"Dude,
Not cool. I feel like you're insulting me. I don't think
you understand how much work it's taken me to get the major label
interest that I have.
First of all, I fucking spend like 5
hours at the beach a week, writing my poetry (sorry, you guys might
call it "lyrics," but I call it my POETRY BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT IS). I
don't write it at the bar, or on the subway or wherever you really cool
MANHATTAN guys write it. I only write it at the beach, because that's
the only place i can really connect with my pain.
Second of
all, I wax my chest every week and spend hundreds and hundreds of
dollars on the right outfit so people know how serious I am when they
watch me perform. It's not just music (or did you not know that) - it's
also about appearance. You think I do that because this is a hobby? NO,
IT'S NOT A HOBBY! After all, it was a hobby then how is that I have
MAJOR LABEL INTEREST?!
Oh, and lastly, answer me this: If music isn't my thing, then HOW COME I HAVE MAJOR LABEL INTEREST?!
PEACE!"
Joey L
Nothing more rock and roll than a good ol' flame war. In fact, Joe even has a response song on his myspace profile named "Damien." And it RIFFS!
Comments
those songs....
this is amazing. could joey l. stand for joey lawrence? because that would be hot.
this is clearly fake it would be so much funnier if it was legit
hahaha...hilarious even if it is a little hard to believe (at least his response)...but after listening to this guy's music, I totally understand Damien's opinion
Yeah, I agree that there's no way this dude is for real..Has to be set up just to get a ruse outta you guys. Haven't heard you guys before, but you sound pretty kick ass Damien.
Dude, Not cool at all! I actually went to his site and listened to that crap. There is no way any bar is looking for him to play let alone a major label. Great response Damien.
Damien should go back to third grade and learn how to spell.
Maybe he was intentionally bringing his spelling down to a level that would make lil' Joey feel more comfortable?
Wow... lol... what a sally.. he should go golfing with the Nuttcups and grow a pair: http://digitalfuntown.squarespace.com/dft-blog/2008/4/24/nuttcups-triple-bogey.html
This is a fake by the giraffes to boost publicity. just so you know.
Thank you detective Brian. Or should we call you ... JOE LINELLO!
There's someone else that no one understands, and that happens to be a friend of Linello's on myspace. HER name is Suzie Lace and she too is from Long Island, NY. She's a 'pop, disco' dance singer and to tell you the truth, she's just as bad, if not worse than Linello, and I mean that in a good way. Unlike, Linello, Suzie Lace is a working musician with gigs. She thinks she sounds exactly like Madonna and even brags about meeting Madonna at Starbucks. Lace incorporates "Eskimo Throat" singing into her songs. Can someone please tell me what Eskimo throat singing is?! She's well worth checking out just for giggle sake. You must read her blogs as they are funny and yet serious. I'm waiting on her to post her videos too. You can check her out on myspace by going to: http://www.myspace.com/suzielace Where do these people come from?