You know, while you're riding on the F-train, kinda hung over, towards Coney for a free day of summer sun and rocking, people are going to tell you the Siren Festival used to be cool. That it used to have good bands, and now it stinks. Those people are wrong: the Siren Festival has always kinda stunk. But, a trip to Coney Island is never a bad idea, especially when you know most of your friends are going to be going down as well, and the distant hum of the bass from a live act always sounds kinda nice when you are just kinda hanging out on a beach towel, enjoying a summer day. That's why people tend to go, no matter who's playing.

At some point, though, you may get the urge to de-sand your shorts and check out one of the bands. Here is your handy guide of who to see, when and where, and what you might consider doing with your Coney time otherwise. (Well, i'm not gonna tell you where the good pizza is. You'll just have to figure that one out on your own.)

The STILLWELL Stage

1:30 White Rabbits

Slightly hyper guitar pop. This sounds like one of those bands where the singer and perhaps one of the other guys pogo, or clap self-consciously and generally look like they're forcing the issue. But it promises to be an energetic way to kick off the fest, at least at lot more than the coinciding act on the main stage.

Recommendation: See them on Letterman tonight, then decide for yourself.

2:30 Elvis Perkins in Dearland

More Hee-Haw for smart people. A band like this playing while you are having $12 biscuits and gravy the next morning at least makes a modicum of sense, but here? Have a great time standing on sizzling hot concrete trying to stay awake.

Recommendation: Shout "Go Back to Dearland!!" during a quiet moment. There will probably be a few too.

3:30 The Detroit Cobras

Half-past-three is about when most will be arriving to the fest, and some early-60s-influenced gravely-girl-garage is a great way to get your portion of the party started. You can drink, you can dance, you can lament the loss of the batting cages. Siren is good at getting one or two of these sorts of bands in the line-up each year, which is probably why i still bother going.

Recommendation: Nathan's sells HUGE beers to go for, like, $3 in case you’ve got some catching up to do.

4:30 Lavender Diamond

Wow, is this band dumb, even by L.A. standards. Like, unicorn-with-hearts-for-eyes dumb. I mean, chickie-poo has a pretty voice, and the half-folk/half-chamber-pop melodies are surprisingly not annoying. Lavender Diamond would be great if you didn't understand English. But instead, you have to deal with her discursive treatises on God and beyond-clunky attempts at dark irony. Chances are you are in Coney to escape one and immerse yourself the genuine version of the other. And what's this band doing following the Detroit Cobras? That's like putting Doug Mintkiewicz in the two-hole.

Recommendation: Go on one of Coney's legendarily half-assed Haunted House rides, if evil developers haven't knocked them down yet.

5:30 Matt and Kim

Spazzy but amiable synth-n-big beat indie-pop from one of Brooklyn's favorite power couples. With such a rabid local fan base, you'll no doubt get swept up in the enthusiasm, even if you're not exactly a convert (yet). The Ted Leo of Siren '07. Root, root, root for the home team!

Recommendation: Check 'em out

6:30 Voxtrot

Five cute guys with cute bouncy songs and a cute name. Which means there ought to be some cute girls. Could be worse.

Recommendation: Try and win a stuffed animal at some point beforehand.

8:00 Cursive

The venerable Saddle Creek band brings the sudsy, arena-shaking emo sound within earshot of attendees at the Cyclones game. No doubt you've made up your mind about this band long ago. If you're willing to eschew a live set by the Dolls for this, you're part of the reason Coney - and New York - is going in the toilet.

Recommendation: Move back to the Midwest.

Tomorrow: Part II, the Main Stage.