As we celebrate Labor Day, let’s take a moment to reflect on the legal woes suffered this month by Uncle Kracker, DMX and Foxy Brown. The court is now in session!

Defendant: Uncle Kracker
Known for: Making dreadful a dreadful concoction of rap, country and rock and DJing back in the day for Kid Rock
Accused of: Kracker was taken into custody after a 26-year-old woman reported he allegedly tried to force himself on her at club in Raleigh, NC.
The verdict: He’s free a $5 million bond. Even more shocking is how he came up with five million bucks in collateral.

Defendant: Helltrash
Known for: Helltrash, who?
Accused of: After police busted the five members of this punk-rock band for smoking weed at a truck stop in Shreveport, a search of their van revealed two 25-mm live practice artillery shells.
The verdict: Hilly Kristal would not be proud

Defendant: Foxy Brown
Known for: Getting arrested a lot
Accused of: Giving the police false information after being stopped for talking on her cell phone while driving.
The verdict: Already on probation for assaulting two manicurists in 2004, Foxy is facing a year in jail. Again.

Defendant: DMX
Known for: Rapping about dogs
Accused of: Police raided DMX’s home in Maricopa County, AZ and seized a half-pound of suspected illegal narcotics, 12 distressed pitbulls, and found the carcass of a burned, buried dog. In 1999, DMX was fined and ordered to make anti-animal cruelty PSAs for the Humane Society, after police found 13 pitbulls in his Teaneck, New Jersey home.
The verdict: The rapper says he’s innocent. Just like Michael Vick.

Defendant: 230 Iranians ravers
Known for: Using glow sticks in the Axis of Evil
Accused of: Iranian police broke up a “satanic” summer concert where alcohol was present, music was being played, and men and women were mixing freely in violation of Sharia law.
The verdict: How do you say PLUR in Farsi?